Like An Upside Down Lawn Mower

So... I became a tea drinker this week.
Recently, a very special (and talented) woman
introduced me to some assorted tea.

On Thursday, I drank about 7 cups, each cup double bagged,
and stayed up for 2 days straight with no additional caffeine needed.

Granted, I kept thinking that all the leaves on the road were rats darting in front of my car, which was rather disturbing, but overall I still managed to maintain my limited social skills as well as the majority of my mental faculties.

For most of this week, I've been at The Jimmy Kimmel Show
meeting the producers, the writers, and the field directors
and preparing for a possible directing gig there.
I wasn't sure how I would like it as I'm told the fast paced production schedule
of late night television can be stressful and annoying.

But everyone was extremely gracious and kind,
and being WACKED out on that tea actually helped my social skills
for some reason unbeknownst to me. Really, the entire experience surprised me and I never felt uncomfortable once, even going on 2 days of no sleep.

So, now I'm a tea drinker.
And I can finally lay off all the crack and angel dust. FINALLY.
I was starting to get tired of having illegitimate children and chewing on my arm.

sometimes I can feel my hands
slipping off the handle,
and my fingers snapping off the steel bar
one by one,
each with a sweaty squeak.

and yet EVEN THEN...
there in the throes of lunacy,
i cannot shake the feeling
that i'll never find the ground under my feet,
because i've never been grounded to begin with.

i have no idea what the ground feels like.

sometimes I wish my mind was less cluttered,
and I was just a big ol'
PAUNCHY SQUIRREL

with only one goal pounding through my being:

COLLECT MOUTH-WATERING ACORNS.

ahhhh, to wake up
wanting ACORNS and ONLY ACORNS
like fat kids
want butter beans.

wait...

scratch that.

not butter beans.

like fat kids want
MARSH MELLOW DINOSAUR EGGS.

ahh yes, to surrender to instinct completely.

the equanimity
of a pitch black mind
following
the bolt pistol.

i suppose even squirrels are
stuck with the mind mess, though.

they don't just think about acorns.

no ma'am.
that's only a romantic cavity we artists
desperately WANT squirrels to FILL.

The harsh reality of the world is:
Squirrels are NOT cartoons.

They are not simple and innocent.

no ma'am.
squirrels attack old people and children
and violently fuck everything they see.

(even dirty, old, grey shoes by the side of the road,
covered in dryer lint).

squirrels zip around like
retards on acid,
constantly reacting
to every jerk of the world.

sadly, they too have hard boiled eyes
and wet-towel-minds,
rigged with springs,
taut with tension,

and filled with triggers, cyphers,
and empty actions
they will never understand.

While out driving in the country, I found two things that don't go together. They were both by the side of the road. I simply placed one into the other and VOILA: Surrealism. This imagery makes me think of The Brave Little Toaster and how awesome a live action version of that movie would be.

Usually the remote control hides from the TV.
This time I think it's the other way around.

Click to View
Shot with a Canon 30D - 60mm USM Macro

Screw the world!
I'm a farmer now!
I plowed up my front yard and planted FOOD.
Henceforth, I shall spring LIFE from LAND!!
I shall bring FLORA to what once was VOID!
I shall BURGEON and HARVEST my crop!!
And I shall reap. In the name of Dimitra, GODDESS OF CORN... I SHALL REAP.
I will REAP my organic CHILDREN just as The Great Reaper reaps the SLAIN!
TAKE HEED my fellow enemies,
I AM NOW A FARMER!!!
And I SHALL FEAST!!!
(raising pitchfork in the air while lightning strikes it)
I SHHAALLLLL FFFEEAASSSSTTTTT!!!!!!
Okra Power! Tomatoe Power! Green Beans Power! Carrots Power!
Onions Power! Spinach Power! Squash Power! Peas Power!
White Sweet Corn Power! Strawberry Power! Potato Power!
FARM FEAST POWER, TWO THOUSAND EIGHT!

This is a picture of one of my best friends.
His name is RAY.

And here is one of the headlines on CNN today:

I had no idea Ray was such a
POWERFUL and AGGRESSIVE swimmer.

That poor woman should have protected herself and taken notes from
THE LADY IN THE OTHER RIDICULOUS HEADLINE...

One letter away and that "Rat" becomes "Ray" which indicates
that Ray went on some water based killing spree, killing women
in the ocean and then shooting up the sewer line to kill again.

I actually didn't notice that last headline until I posted the first one.
I was just about to log out when I looked down and saw it.
Really CNN? Killer toilet rats? Front page national news? REALLY!?!??!
WITH VIDEO, TOO.