there is soft, white, particulate matter hanging in the air,
like snow without gravity.
sometimes it feels as if i've surrounded myself
with so much of it, I am trapped in a perpetual cloud of chalk dust.
as if I've clapped some erasers together
and the world just froze in that moment.
clouds in my eyes that leave me swinging my arms
and grasping for the handrails.
the world unrecognizable to me.
i sometimes think about Christmas time as a child,
in my parent's old house with the brown shag carpet,
and the big windows that made me feel so small.
i remember sitting in the living room alone,
squinting my eyes at the Christmas tree,
forcing the champagne Christmas lights too bloom within my vision.
i remember when i first realized that i could do this,
that i could make lights smear by squinting my eyes.
that i could change the entire world by something as simple as pushing my eyelids together.
but now, here i am as an adult, sitting in all this dust,
wondering how i make the world shift again,
with the simplicity and ease that i once did as a child.
it was so easy then.
to just press my eyes.