I remember a time in the first grade, when my teacher had the class
draw pictures of what we all wanted to be when we grew up.
Most kids I knew wanted to be sports stars or astronauts.
I wanted to be a GARBAGE MAN.
Why did I want to be a garbage man?
Because I wanted to ride on the back of the truck.
Why the fuck ELSE?
I distinctly remember watching the garbage truck drive by, and thinking it was so friggin' cool that a guy would just ride on the back, standing on the bumper the entire time. Everyone else on the road had to ride INSIDE their cars and sit in boring SEATS. The garbage man lived on the edge, balancing on his chariot, and sailing with the wind as he moved from homestead to homestead. Ahhhh yes... it was a romantic sight indeed.
And since I spent most of my spare time
playing in the dirt,
and rooting through dumpsters looking for treasure,
it seemed as though the life of a garbage man
was the perfect life for me.
Well... I had an epiphany tonight.
I am going to ACCOMPLISH my childhood dream.
I am going to apply to be a garbage man, dammit.
Just so I can say that I accomplished all the goals I
set for myself when I was 6 years old.
Beautiful Neighborhood Woman
"My, my... who ARE you?
And how did you get rid of all my unwanted unmentionables?"
(squinting and speaking with confidence)
"Well ma'am, my name is Derek.
Derek Christopher Doublin.
and I'm in charge of...
(Woman swoons, faints, and falls into a pile of leaves.)
(Derek jumps onto bumper of truck and zooms away.)