Though I have given these instructions many times over, the Grandmas of the world consistently refuse to adopt my new cosmetic discovery:
PLASTIC SURGERY FOR WEEDS
Buy a batch of plastic or silk flowers from your local craft store or just steal them from someone's gravesite. I chose the classic SUNFLOWER pictured here.
Pull the tops off the flowers. They should pop right off.
Find an unsightly weed, approximately the same width as the stems on your plastic flowers. I chose one that was sprouting from the pavement for dramatic effect.
Break the top off the weed and simply slide the flower onto the tip.
Be careful. If you don't do it exactly as pictured you might get a bad case of typhoid.
Sit back and watch as people inquire about your new beautiful weed.
Watch your mailman FREAK OUT about how quickly your beautiful weed appeared. If he keeps asking questions, just throw some boiling water on him.
THAT SHOULD SHUT HIM UP.
STEP SEVEN - THE BONUS STEP!
If you really want to go the extra mile, just add an
OVERFED, GINORMOUS CAT LOUNGING IN A WICKER BASKET.
AND VOILA! PLASTIC SURGERY FOR WEEDS!
THAT WEED IS NOW A SUPERMODEL ON A BEACH OF PURE, UNADULTERATED BEAUTY.
(Oh.. and add some trophies near the weed if you like shiny things)