The Majestic Walrus in All Its GLORY!

A huge Walrus,
adrift on an Arctic ice floe off the coast of Scandinavia,
the paired white spikes of its ivory tusks
contrasting the chocolate brown of its
chalky, rumpled skin,
can be described as nothing less than
the perfect metaphor for

Like an old man's
fat, wrinkled thumb
or a cracked, dry
hot pocket
caked in mud and
garnished with two
broken, plastic googly eyes,

it is clear, even to the most untutored eye,
that the Walrus was designed for one thing
and one thing only...

Who among us can deny,
that the Walrus, by virtue of tens and millions of years of its own
turbulent evolutionary trials,
carries the grace of a soggy, drunk lincoln log,
and the musk of a
petrified cinnamon roll
in Old Spice?

And still,
behind the bulky, heavy folds
of rusty hide
and the besom whiskers that
arch and bob from flaky, gristled lips
rests the heart
of a Looking Glass Queen.

A saucy Queen.


like most Queens,
the Walrus likes to eat.

The Walrus is a voracious eater.

It will routinely feast on
785 kilograms of
discarded rubber tires a day
with a preference
for white walls
in K.C. Masterpiece.

And it will never stop...
until we are ALL DEAD
driving around
on our rims.

Yes, the Walrus is an enigma,
a riddle,
and we as a society
are achingly ignorant about them,
this much seems reasonably clear:

The ways of the wild Walrus appear to be
fundamentally incompatible
with the majority of most modern, human technologies
such as keyboards
ski lifts

but the IMAGE of the wild Walrus
continues to fill
important gaps
and answer
dire questions

After all,
the Walrus is very similar to our Universe,
in more ways than one.

It is a confusing thing
and ultimately...

a stupid invention.