Simultumulteously Never Content

why is it that I want to achieve
and retreat
simultaneously

hovering in the hallway of
fight or flight
like an indecisive ghost

that can’t figure out if it
wants to rattle some chains and 
flick candles off the shelf or
just hang out in the shadow of a hat rack
and hope some lonely sap 
twitches an eye 
in my direction.

i want to be accomplishing
everything on the list
while lying in the grass and watching
the bees cavort from 
color bucket to color bucket.

and if i spend too much energy pursuing one,
i pine for the other,
and if i spend too much time performing the other
i completely regret it

and if i split my time between the two
i feel so damned normal 
that i just
can’t
stand
myself.