it pains me to admit that
out of sadness, madness, and boredom
I've taken to reading a fanciful bit of literature entitled
"Expressions! 334 Treasures for Everyone on Your List!"
which is an expired Christmas catalog for old women and aliens. 
Here are a few of the items listed in this catalog, in no particular order.
I find that they're even better without pictures or descriptions.
Granddaughter's Keepsake Pillow Sword
Jewel-Dazzled Penquin
Ooh La-La Dog Prints
Darling Companion
'Trash Bin' Sweetener Service
Good Clean Fun Tissue Dispenser with Two Secrets


An atomic bomb of true desire on every page.  Nothing but time, sadness, and madness to attract us to that circus of wasted freedom.  Don't stand too close, or you just might believe you need a monogrammed mushroom cloud of crap.